Score: 10

"Always good to know what's going when Hank's AFL"

submission: Madness Combat 5.5

date: November 20, 2009

While yes, as I said before, they aren't Hank and therefore not deaths per second in their quickness, you have alot going on at the same time, to the point I can pause in on the action and zoom in on posters, see that while I was watching the guy swinging the swords, the other guy was carefully pulling out a cigarette and smoking.

The action is good, and the close teamwork improves things to where we've got death in multiple places, and the first sighting of the new elite troops (chronologically), and the first clue to how JC had his first ressurection. A lot of plot details revealed, from the little (where he got that dope head bandanna), how early the Madness world was taken over by the Auditor, and the clown's interest in JC's head and possibly his Halo, with hints to things we haven't seen yet, like this strange corrupted sky that wasn't around when Hank was out of commission.

Can't wait for the continuation of their struggles to survive.

As for their characters, I just recently figured they are Hank's dealers. I mean, who else got him all his cool equipment and support since the earlier Combats?

Score: 10

"A good follow up to Splash Attack."

submission: Tiddlywank

date: October 22, 2009

Not only does this one have a conclusion, it parodies both itself and DBZ, and I was figuring something would happen when his power level was over 9000.

Dickface? Man, you are the most anti-fan person I've ever met on the internet. I assume if you met someone on the street, and they said they loved Unforgotten Realms, your first reaction would be to pull out a taser strike them repeatedly with it, until they wet themselves.

Score: 9

"Nice art, and story."

submission: Rainbowball of Doom

date: August 29, 2009

But technically, it was your fault for leaving so many programs open at once! In truth, the Rainbowball of doom...WAS YOU.

Dunn. DUNN. DUUUNNNNN!

Score: 8

"Play it...Then hit "retry.""

submission: Free Will - The Game

date: July 2, 2009

I think you'll get the point.

Wonder what would happen if you did something you couldn't repeat in game?

Nice GB style, too.

Score: 7

"Fun Game"

submission: The Arrow Of Time

date: May 24, 2009

Great challenge, and there's a lot of replayability to go and try different combinations. The only thing I didn't like was the "defensive" upgrades, and the combos. Actually, the whole of design leaves alot to be desired. For instance, the different play types? Grab is infinitely more clumsy and inefficient than "hold", especially with the swarms that come in later levels.

The defensive upgrades become more and more useless as the game goes on, and the only upgrade that is worth it's salt is the first, cheapest one. The multiple turret defense upgrade is next to USELESS, being confusing to use if you are using the "hold" option, and i see no point in using it even with "grab" unless you had an arrow type with a slow reload. Beyond that, it takes more time to shoot at a target with extra turrets as you have to re-adjust everytime you move from one turret to the next, costing time that enemies spend shooting you. It would have been better to have the three turrets fire simultaneously, in a general direction, instead of just having a stupid option to fire from three vantage points. It's only use (one it's creators noticed and added as a medal) is that with a fully upgraded homing arrow, something WONDERFUL happens. Likewise with my thinking, the AI controlled Turret would have been better with an upgrade to have more than one.

As for the combos... Was there any real point in buying them? You could make a simple combo just by selecting them. They were only short cuts, and I fail to see why they'd be necessary or purchasable when time stops when you're in the menu.

Beyond the poor wrappings of the game, the core of it is pretty good, an archery game, the art and design of each era being nice, the music quality breathtaking, the simple plot being fairly silly and our whistle-like protagonist and antagonist being cute in their rivalry.

I hope for a sequel, which will usually have these rough edges whittled down and some better ideas for weapons. Like, a rapid fire arrow, a boomerang arrow, enemies with elemental weaknesses, and some different eras.

Score: 9

"Still good!"

submission: One More Brawl Taunts

date: May 9, 2009

Despite what those dicks are doing, this is not only a collab, but a collab that is aware of itself and that is part of the joke. Especially the Slippy one about the conspiracy. There is a point in each in every joke...most of the time, and the new ones are coming out because they are likely both fun to make and are well received.

Now, to talk about the flash itself, not in relation to the rest of the crap on newgrounds.

The artists range from poor to Kirbopher quality, and while not super special awesome art, they get the humor right and match the expectations of a brawl parody. The jokes are blatant, and meant to be stupid: Everyone knows that Metaknight apparently is cheap, the anime characters are gay, Samus is hawt, Peach is bad for feminism (and keeps too much stuff up her dress) and the big gay dance is awesome.

There are new, original and keen insights: Man, no one wants to play brawl on all stages, with items on, and with all characters! You know what keeps MetaKnight from being cheap? That lucky bastard good with Snake who manages to hit the Smash ball with his box! Alll that random shit is designed to keep even the top tiered characters from always dominating matches, so everyone can have fun!

45 year old pikachu and little girl pichu need to have their own series. Seriously: just have them read fan mail, discuss gay trends in brawl, and what not! Either that, or just Rina-Chan and Kirbopher: Quest for Flash! Or, Rina-Chan takes Kirbopher to the hospital, a newgrounds special event where we wonder if he's ever going to walk again after hitting the pavement beneath his window at a nasty angle...

Score: 1

"Everything that wasn't the music video one..."

submission: Brawl Funnies [Dick 1]

date: May 9, 2009

...Hurt my bloody eyes and ears. Geeze! If you hate it, make something better!

Even if Brawl Taunts is not the best, it's better than half the shit I've seen on Newgrounds, most of this flash included! It's better than all the other Brawl shit too, if you just search "Smash Bros" as well. I haven't even heard of all of you, and at least Rina-Chan possesses enough Star Power to make me give a shit about what she puts up!

Newgrounds is a republic of sorts, and if you see it on the front page, there are enough people to like it to warrant it on the front page, and enough people looking at it to keep it there. Complaining that it's old or the same sort of stuff is stupid, as you and your fellow man are what is keeping them there. These flashes are popular, and people like them. People will continue to watch them, and more people will like them than hate them. To rail against them won't change anything.

So make something better! Something fresh, original, made with time and effort!...not this stack of crap churned, each layer churned out of over the course of a week with funyuns and someone else's piss.

I'm not even an artist or possess animation skills beyond the infamous "B", but I could probably hack together a better argument against newgrounds rehashes than this!

Score: 10

"Still good!"

submission: Terrible Secret Of Space

date: April 25, 2009

Catchy, scary, and a metaphor for politics!

I can only imagine a Green robot who picks things up, but is never heard because he speaks multiple languages!

Score: 10

"Remind me of my great uncle."

submission: Tiananmen Square

date: April 1, 2009

He was hit by Tank, and had to have a leg replacement. Very tragic story, and only slightly less tragic than the time he fell in ancient spring, spring of "drowned woman hugging a cat" (where 500 year ago sad woman hugging equally sad cat drowned in spring, cursing all who fall into it to become women with cat ears) and forced to make a living giving chinese Nyan specials to foreigners. Very sorry fortune I feel for him yes.
It is his sacrifice that has led me to become Ping-Pong champion, even though it is not a sport he loves or one that is especially popular anymore these days.

Score: 10

"BEST MOVIE ON NEWGROUND EVARZ 11!!0001!"

submission: ParodyRangersTheMovie P.2

date: March 20, 2009

This movie, I believe after much clinical study as one of the wordiest wordy word using reviewers on Newgrounds, is the pinnacle of flash movies that deserve brilliant descriptions. Like "Brilliant." And "Good". And "Spoogey." Also, "EXTREMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," but that goes without saying.

It takes what is expected, because WHO in their childhood wouldn't have memories of the POWER FUCKING RANGERS MOVIE FUCKING SEXY GOODIE LUCK RANGERS movie. This takes that idea, and cleverly i might add, subverts with the usual flare of innuendo and randomness.

Then they all have sex. With a robotic owl. And a Dolphin. And with themselves. Whilst grappling with their feelings, or with the fact that they are the only homogeneous member of the group, they find the strength to become ninjas, or at least wear clothes worn by people who claim to be ninjas.

Just like in Fallout 3, if you wear something related to a trade, you will obviously gain the skills required to perform said trade instantenously.

Now they can fight with a bunch of living, moving bones and get their POWER ZORDS OMGRIGHTE???? and venture forth to defeat the evil, evil Ivan Splooge.

Who, would probably die pretty quickly if they just moved him to some dry, arid location. THat stuff doesn't exactly stay fresh for long.

Props indeed, to the large and affluent cast, who should all be paid wages for their work, but aren't because this is a flash movie and therefore is exempt from most labor laws, and for the art in being humorously undefined enough to not give anything any actual gravitas in exchange for being animey (cuz the kids all go for it nowadays) and EXTTREEEEEEEEEEMEEEESEXEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FNORDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I sincerely cannot wait for the next installment, and in the meantime I shall watch the original Power Rangers movie, and it's inferior sequel (though it had Jason), Power Rangers Turbo.